Thursday, July 5, 2007

Surrogate Tapping

Dear Gary,

(This is addressed to Gary Craig, EFT Founder and Master Tapper at

It really has been so wonderful to have entered the world of Emotional Freedom Technique a few short years ago. Among all the energy tools I use in my practice, this is my favorite. EFT burrows its way underneath the conscious mind and somehow digs up the issues related to the problem – kind of lets it bubble up. There are many wonderful experiences I could share, but today I want to tell you mainly about my success with surrogate tapping. (Names have been altered to protect my clients’ privacy).

The first case is about Jean. Jean is in her 60s but has carried an enormous amount of ‘mother damage’ all her life. Her life was focused on getting approval from her ever critical mother as she was growing up. Then, as often happens, she married men who displayed the same disapproving characteristics like her mother. When she came to me, Jean had been through three marriages and still bitter about her mom, though mom had passed more than ten years ago. We did several sessions around ‘even though my mother didn’t approve of……etc’, chopping the trees as we went along. Jean was feeling better but I kept thinking that the releases were painfully slow.

That was until we did the surrogate tapping. I was inspired to ask Jean one day to pretend that she was her mom Rose and we both started to tap. I tapped on myself as if I was Rose, as did Jean. We tuned into the energy of this dead lady and let the thoughts and the word come out as they did. It was as if a volcano was waiting to erupt. Jean quickly tuned in emotionally to Rose’s feelings of being trapped in a loveless marriage, her frustration, her anger, her sense of helplessness, her need to please everyone, and the near complete erosion of her sense of self. The most touching piece was that Rose who had been raised in a faith different to her husband’s had to hide her practice because he did not approve. This had filled Rose with a tremendous sense of guilt and a belief that she was rejected by God beyond any hope of redemption. Though Jean knew the history, it was the first time she was able to emotionally experience the utter desolation her mother must have gone through. She wept copiously as we continued to tap. Slowly as the energies shifted (about 45 mins), Jean was able to regard this woman that she had always viewed as selfish and manipulative, with compassion. In the last part of the session (25 mins) we tapped on forgiveness. “I forgive my mother, she was doing the best she knew” and “I forgive myself (Jean), for my inability to understand you, Mom. I love you Mom”.

Jean says she feels more at peace with herself now than ever before.

The second case is about Linda whose 24 year old son Ron was in a graduate program 1500 miles from home and was suffering from prolonged bouts of depression that was affecting his academic performance. He was very uncertain about his future. Linda was concerned for her son, but also filled with guilt around her divorce from Ron’s father when Ron was 8. She felt this was the root of Ron’s depressions.

We first tapped on Linda’s guilt around the divorce. The tapping seemed to take Linda deeper into sadness around in how many ways she may have failed her son.

At one point I suggested we switch to surrogate tapping for Ron. And we did that. “Even though my parents have no time for me…….” “Even though the only time I got attention was when I was ill. ….” And so forth. When I felt that the energy had shifted and Linda was considerably lighter, we tapped in positive reframes on Ron’s behalf. “I am young, strong and healthy. I love what I do. I love my courses. I am really good at these subjects. I am one of the best. There is a great future waiting for me. I am worthy and deserving of it….” And so forth. Now there was a palpable shift in the energy. The session was about 90 minutes long. Linda was feeling calm and hopeful about her son.

Later she reported that Ron’s depression had dissipated almost immediately. He was soon enthusiastically applying for jobs. In less than a month, Ron was accepted as an intern in a prestigious technical institute on the east coast.

Thank you Gary, for teaching this marvelous tool that can change the quality of one’s life so powerfully.

Malabika Shaw

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