Thursday, May 5, 2011

Love or Control? Which Would You Choose?

Can a parent move from the overwhelming desire to direct and control when a son is clearly headed down the slippery slope? This is probably one of the greatest challenges of parenting.

I thought I would share this poignant story of Lily and her son James (not their real names).

A wonderful young man in his twenties, James has had the hardest time fitting into the system. This young man is sensitive, loving and kind and very creative -- not exactly the qualities society expects of a young man. Hence his trouble. At some stage, like others with similar difficulties, James started to flirt with drugs.

Lily moved through all the stages that any caring mother would. From the initial disbelief, to finally recognizing, and then supporting James in addressing the issue. She discussed, she persuaded, she cajoled, she explained, she reasoned, she bargained and eventually spelt out the riot act. Lily needed to do something, to fix it, to feel that in some way she could influence the boy's decisions. She needed him to be in control of his life so she could be on top of hers.

Despite his genuine resolve to set matters right, James was by now so deep into the mess that he required professional help. Lily offered to get him that too. But James would have none of it.

Lily had run out of options, alternatives, strategies for action. Nothing seemed to help. What now? 

At this critical juncture, Lily took a brave decision that few parents know how. She was not going to resign in anger and bitterness. She was not going to project her own insecurities and fears on James anymore. She would stop dwelling on the worst case scenarios.

Instead, Lily was going surrender to the process, and surrender with love. She recalled in her mind what a wonderful child James had been, the joys they had shared. She reminded herself that James had his own spiritual journey to follow that was not up to her to control. Her job was to love him and trust in his ability to find its way out of the maze. Her job was to be there when he needed her counsel and to respect his being.

This was a 180 degree turn around in mind set and attitude for Lily, not something that happens automatically, but with deep conviction and dedication. Lily was not about to take short cuts. Her son's future was at stake.

She used all the tools in her spiritual and energy healing toolbox to stay on track. Most of all she maintained her boundaries and made sure James had enough space to make his choices without her interference.

"Change the way you look at the world, and the world around you changes."  These are Dr. Wayne Dyer's wise words. It took about two weeks for the real change to take place in this case. Mother and son had barely been in touch during this period, both acutely aware of the need to respect the other’s boundary.

On that bitterly cold and rainy night Lily found herself becoming anxious about James's whereabouts. Not allowing her anxiety to overcome her, she sent him a short loving text message. It was as if she had just opened the door James had been waiting for. He reached out to her for help like never before. He was sick of being sick and tired. He was done with this kind of life. He wanted to change. In the space Lily had created for him, James had finally come to realize the depth of his despair, and also the fact that no one could help him unless he wanted to be helped. He was ready now.

A very relieved Lily was glad to provide the support she had for so long wished to give James. And now that there were no controlling shackles to push against, a very determined young man realized his rare good fortune that his mother was lovingly standing by to support him. 

He is well on his way to recovery. Doing could not accomplish it, loving did.

 Mentorship Program in Spiritual Intelligence at
http://www.visionwholistic.net/

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

April was Fun

Why? Because beautiful Ms Ariana was here.



And I got to be full time grandmother for the entire month. Loved it.

http://www.visionwholistic.net/

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Creating Heart Space

The heart is an amazing organ. It is responsible for much more than pumping blood. Recent research is uncovering the true power of the heart in helping us heal and deal with our environment.

When we are able to perceive a situation from the energy of the heart, it magicallly changes its flavor. For the better. A situation that may have been stressing us, seems to lose its bite. We can move relationships from ones that drain us to energizing ones.

This short little meditation (11 min.) gives us some tools to start creating that. Enjoy.

Click here to download the Heart Space Meditation.

http://www.visionwholistic.net/
Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Good Wishes Galore

This morning I was talking to a lady who was telling me about her exciting journey into spirituality and how her life is beginning to change as she learns to apply the spiritual principles and practices. Then she follows it up with ‘I wish more people were doing this. Life in the world then would be so much better.’

Back in ’05, I remember, a group of us were studying ‘A Course in Miracles’. After a particularly illuminating lesson one day, one of the participants threw up his hands in the air and asked incredulously, “why are there only 14 of us here? I wish there were 1400”.

And just now I read my friend Tom’s FB post starting up with “I wish more humans would understand……..”.

This is the wonderful nature of the human being. We are constantly searching for something better and as we discover something we deeply resonate with, we promptly want the entire world to share it, to buy into it, to start living by it. The fellows who have learned to make more money in a simpler way, can hardly wait to show us how. From cleaning houses to teaching children to finding spiritual solace, we are so eager to spread it out and wish others would absorb and embrace what we have just discovered. Have you noticed? Isn’t it wonderful?

And they will. This is the way of evolution. We learn, we wish, we teach, we plant seeds, we carry on. The more we wish the more it comes true. The stronger our desire the sooner it happens.

It is sure to happen. Just don’t hold your breath as to when and how. And release all attachments to what it ‘should’ look like. You have set forth a desire. The universe must honor it divinely timed.

So keep wishing folks. Good wishes galore.

Malabika Shaw
Your Spiritual Intelligence Guide


http://www.visionwholistic.net/

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Monday, February 21, 2011

Finding it hard to meditate?

For all those people who think that it is hard to meditate. Nicole lays it all out. Brilliantly. You'll be surprised.

Nicole on meditation and no ego.
Enjoy.

Malabika

http://www.visionwholistic.net/

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Planting the Seeds of Change

Each of us is living with something in our lives that we would rather change. Isn't it? For some it is a short term thing -- like a nervousness around a meeting or an exam. And some want a longer term thing -- like an improved relationship, or a new job, or relief from a chronic body pain.

Whatever it may be, one of the biggest impediment to change is our inability to imagine what it would be like after the change. We remain far too focused on what we 'don't' want. But we need that imagination accompanied by the feelings to bring about that change.

This meditation helps plant the seed for that which we do want and applies certain principles from yoga and the Law of Attraction to bring it forward.

This Meditation for Busy People is the offering for February 2011. Enjoy.

Seeds of Change Meditaton. 10 min

http://www.visionwholistic.net/
Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Rena's Story: Son Turns Over a New Leaf

Twenty seven years of her son Aaron's life were not particualrly pleasant for Rena . Within a year of his birth, Rena lost her husband. Her mother and brothers supported her in raising Aaron. While Rena was getting her life back together, Aaron lived and grew up with his cousins almost as siblings. He went to school and camps and took vacations with them.

Problems began to surface as Aaron was becoming a young adult. Although he did well in academics and was accepted in a management school, emotionally he appeared wounded. He blamed his mother for abandoning him, found faults with her familiy's attitude toward him. He felt discriminated against. At some point started to flirt with drugs.

Needless to say, Rena tried everything within her power to get this young man to see reason. But Aaorn would have none of it. 'Get off my back' was his attitude. Their rare phone conversations grew shorter. Aaron was brusque. Over time mother and son hardly communicated.

When I met Rena, she was nurturing a broken heart and was worried sick about her son's future. She felt she had no control. Realizing that direct intervention in the matter was useless, Rena started to take interest in energy work.

Initially the energy therapies Rena pursued were primarily to find some peace of mind for herself. She learned techniques, went to personal healing sessions and retreats. Although her own pain was getting better she continued to worry about Aaron. She arranged for healing practitioners to send distant healing to help Aaron.

Then something unique happened. In a session with Rena, I asked her to describe her son as she thought of him. She created this picture of a helpless, lonesome boy who had become angry, rebellious, disrespectful and irresponsible. It was a damning portrait -- for both mother and son. She felt tremendous guilt as a mother that she just could not shake off.

Over then next few days, Rena worked on releasing her guilt. Then we took time to assist Rena in creating a different image of Aaron in her mind. She pulled up memories of Aaron as a loving child excited about life. We built on that to create a vision of a strong, positive young man who was eager to take responsibility for his life. The greatest challenge Rena needed to overcome was her own doubts that this could ever be possible. But her love and strong desire for her son were on her side. She relentlessly worked at removing her own blocks. She learned to turn around the energy of negative thoughts that arose in her mind concerning Aaron, while her energy worker friends continued to support both mother and son.

The result was quick and astounding. In about two weeks, Rena called me to say 'this is a miracle.' Aaron, who had not spoken to Rena for months, had called for a short but decent conversation the previous week. That morning he had visited his mother in her home and spent time with her. He had assured her that he was ready for his new job responsibilies. He expressed his gratitude for all the support Rena's family had extended to him. He had looked relaxed and happy. In Rena's mind, it was indeed a miracle.

I had to smile as I heard Rena's story. Once again she validated that what brings us misery is our way of looking at things, our fears and our inability to trust. These are deep seated patterns. If we can find the tools to change those and shift our vibrations, the outer reality powerfully changes. The world reflects back to us that which we create in our energy field.

This is Spiritual Intelligence.

Enjoy your life, your thoughts and your vibes.

Malabika


You can find more about Spiritual Intelligence at this link.


http://www.VisionWholistic.net

Creating the ability to see Wholeness