Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Monday, September 14, 2020

Break Through after a Break Up?

Opportunity for Growth

Nothing in life offers a more potent opportunity for inner growth as the break-up of an old relationship. It calls us to expand our perspective on how to stop being a victim.

Responding to an online post in which the poster writes: 
"I am a 29 year old coming out of a long relationship. Post that I feel lost, be it at work or on the personal front. I don't feel worthy of anything. I feel like going back over the years and starting over my life. I can't muster the courage however hard I try to move on with my life. I have tried therapy, meditations and lifestyle changes, but can't seem to find any relief. I suffocate within myself, no interest to do anything whatsoever. It shows in my work, my relationships with family and friends. My friends think I am too desperate. The lockdown has further aggravated the issue. All I feel like is running away and spending time with people who don't know me, but that too I'm unable to do it. I feel it is all stemming from how unworthy, ugly and boring I find myself."

When the Dark Night of the Soul shows up the good news is after the night comes a new dawn like one you have never experienced. That is how Spiritual Intelligence works. It is important to know the darkness descends only when your inner being is ready for it and has already built the inner strength to break through to the dawn, even though it may not be visible to you. Fortunately, now we have many healing tools that integrate the physical, mental/emotional and other subtle bodies with the Spiritual Intelligence. That is where the long lasting healing comes from. 

If this line of thinking is of interest to you, feel free to reach out and check my Mentoring Program on Spiritual Intelligence. We can begin with a chat. 

Let's Chat, 
Creating the ability to see Wholeness - Be Live Love

#SpiritualIntelligence #Relationships #SelfKnowledge #SoulWork #LearningToLove

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

What are you thinking? And how is it working for you?

For several years now, we have been hearing that we create our own reality, and we create it with our attention, our thoughts and beliefs, and our intentions. We have busied ourselves with vision boards, attending courses and workshops on the Law of Attraction, and we can pretty much quote examples from the Abraham-Hicks publications on any occasion.

All this is good. Very good. Yet I find, while we may project visions of the future, most folks tend to trip up when it come to working with prevailing patterns -- existing relationships, present jobs, conclusions already concluded, self image .... and a host of other 'given' stuff. It is as if when we have determined  something as 'given', we now have to give it power to continue its hold over us, and as if we no longer have the creative facility to alter that.

Jean and Jack's Story

Let me give you an example. Jean was totally stressed over her grandson Jack. She described Jack as mean, loud, undisciplined, bullying and requiring perpetual attention whenever he was with his other little cousins. Jack's mother allowed this and did not take the responsibility to discipline him...... and so forth. Then she told me that this child was her son's stepson and was only three and a half years old.

Wham!!! I almost fell off my chair. Why was this sixty some year old lady stressing herself out of shape on account of this one little tyke?  What needed to change? Could it be her beliefs, her perceptions, her judgments, her complete inability to accept this boy and his mother as part of her family? I explained to Jean that the boy was sensing the energy of strong judgment and rejection the moment he stepped near her and got busy responding to it. That if Jean wished for a different response, she had to learn to put out a different vibration with her thoughts and feelings to invite it.

'Let's change the narrative that you have created around Jack', I invited. That is where we began. Jean and I worked over the next several weeks while she reprogrammed her beliefs, her story. Jack transformed in her mind from the horrible little terror to a child so deprived of attention and love that he would do do anything to get it. He needed caring, and careful attention -- neither indulgence, nor rejection -- the two he was most familiar with. So Jean decided it was possible for her to change her own attitude towards Jack.

It would be a lie if I told you that it was easy. The mind (read 'ego') loves to hold on to the stories it has  authored. That is its default paradigm. No, it required Jean's constant alertness. It required that Jean recognize her own fears and learn to set them aside, that she learn to call upon the love in her heart in the face of the greatest odds. Jean prayed, meditated, used EFT and other resources to get her mind to cooperate with her new resolve. Fortunately for her, Jack being the sensitive child he was, immediately started to sense the difference. A little confused at first, he slowly quietened and then gradually changed certainly while with his adoptive grandmother.

This is not an isolated incident. I have seen tables completely turn around when people take charge of the energy they are projecting through their thoughts and beliefs. Relationships can change radically.

My own story.

In spite of teaching these principles in my mentoring program, I have to admit I fall from time to time. Like the time I was getting mad that a person who owed me money had been slacking and was way behind schedule. So I defaulted into my old patterns -- scarcity mindset, feeling dishonored, my work not valued. I allowed myself to at first be irritated and then downright angry.

Mind you all this toxic thought process can really drain your own energy and take a toll on you. So one morning I had to ask myself the question "What am I thinking? And how was it working for me?" Not good I thought. I had to change my mind. If I wanted things to be different, I had to get over this victim mindset -- 'It is all her stupid fault and I can't do anything except rave and rant'-- to something a little more wholesome.

I had a choice. I call this choosing our terms of engagement -- how do I wish to engage with this situation?  Step one, get out of victim mode and accept your own role in the drama. Done. Step two: Accept things as they are and remove all judgement. That needed a little work --- 'who knows, may be she is going through a tough time, maybe she was laid off, she has every intention paying me but is otherwise busy (my mind's great need to rationalize)'. Eventually, I was able to accept.

I could have left it at that, but chose to go a step further, because I knew I could. I decided I was going to send her love and light in ways that I know to do, so that she may be lifted out of her funk and be able to honor herself and keep the promises she made. And that is what I did. Reclaimed not only my own power, but my ability to shift the energy. With the practice of Ho'oponopono that energy shifted and shifted swiftly. Within the day, my pending bill of multiple weeks was paid.

Trust me, this energy stuff is miraculous. Learn it. Practice it and watch your life become even richer. It's just that sometimes we have to work with energy beyond the mind in order to get the mind to change. Well worth it.

Your everyday spiritual living guide,

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Clearing Relationships with SRT Special Offer February 2013


Care to Clear the Energies of a Relationship (or two)?

I am offering a whopping 40% off during February for you and/or your loved one. 
Relationships have a habit of running into stormy weather, have you noticed? Some storms we walk through, some we skirt around and some we take cover from. But we all know that those issues must be addressed,  sooner or later, for the sake of harmony within our own hearts and within the relationships that we value.  

Throughout February -- 1st to the 28th -- I am offering Relationship Clearing with SRT* and Mentoring Sessions at 40% off my regular price. (You pay only $75 and not the regular $125). *Spiritual Response Therapy. 

No matter where you are located you may access these sessions in private by Skype or phone (Greater Boston residents are welcome to come for the session at my studio at 8, Hay Road, Newton, MA).
In the session, we will apply SRT* to clear energy blocks that may have been created within the relationship by discordant programs and accumulated negative patterns. We will then seed in the new vibration into the body mind space.
It is often necessary to support the new energy with conscious mind work. I will teach you techniques that you can continue to practice at home to change deeply embedded patterns.  
We will work on one vital relationship at a time. This may be a significant other, a parent, a child, a sibling, or any other that is important to you.  

Appointments are offered on first-come-first-served basis. Please call or email me with a few possible dates and times, once you have registered by purchasing a session, and we will set one up at the earliest. 

Click here to register for Clearing Energies of Relationships 

(If you would rather pay by check or direct bank deposit, call or email me).   
I look forward to working with you.  

Love and God Bless,  


1.515.720.9520 (cell) 
Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Relationships Conundrum

Let’s face it. You have and will always be in relationships. If you are not then you are either an ascetic in a Himalayan cave or pretty dead – emotionally speaking. And if you are still breathing and walking about, you are also probably very depressed.

Joys, sorrows, excitements, frustrations, anticipations, attractions, repulsions, aggression, defensiveness --- a host of feelings and behaviors are triggered by relationships. Have you noticed? I certainly have. People often show up at my doorstep seeking succor because they are in bad relationships. Their bad relationship could be with their job (too demanding, too cheap, too suffocating, too boring), their boss (incompetent, prejudiced, plays favorites, political, never pleased), their daughter or son (too wild, too irresponsible, too sensitive, won’t grow up, won’t talk to me, too demanding) their mother, sister, father, brother……… you get the drift….

And of course, there is the significant other, the sexual partner, the mate, the alleged holder of the key to their emotional well-being and happiness. If you have been in one of those then you certainly know that all frustrations are multiplied umpteen times if they are triggered in this one relationship.

Here is the news for you, ladies and gentlemen, ye all who seek harmony and balance in your relationships. The state of harmony and balance in relationships feel wonderful when achieved, but it is a highly unstable state. It does not last long. It is not meant to. There is a reason why.

Relationships, like magnets, are held together by opposing energies – the masculine and the feminine. Each has a different flavor, a different function and a different characteristic. When these two energies come together powerfully they create something new and wonderful, which then becomes a platform for further growth. The forces come together again and again, each time at a new level for another creation. Between these bursts of creation the relationship feels blessed and in perfect harmony. Then the tension builds again for the next because at our very core is the need for creative pursuits and growth. Dynamism is what our spirit seeks in any relationship more than state of perpetual equilibrium.

We may have some understanding of the nature of these energy dynamics in the context of sexual relationships between a man and a woman. We have yet to learn how the same process may play out in all others aspects of our lives – between parents and children, siblings, professionals, friends, groups and so on.

In working with my clients I have discovered that a person may get into the same negative relationship pattern over and over again without a basic understanding of these energy dynamics. One may feel powerless and depressed. Or one may flit about from job to job, or relationship to relationship without being able to pursue any degree of depth or greater creative pursuits.

How are the energies playing out in your relationships? In all probability you will discover whenever a bad feeling arises there is competition -- male energies in the fore engaged in power mongering. Our feminine parts typically had fled the scene and hidden. No creative outcome is possible under these circumstances.

“I have been to many relationship counselors. No one has quite put it this way. It makes complete sense”, one my clients told me recently. He was fascinated at the energy dynamics at his work and at home. As he focused on learning the skills to take charge, shift and change it, he was excited that he no longer felt powerless in his relationships.

So I am excited to offer a course on relationships -- the masculine and feminine energy dynamics. It is relevant to you whether you are a man or a woman, whether or not you consider yourself in relationships.

If it is of interest to you, send me an email at and I will happily send you the details.

Malabika -- Your Energy Healing Guide.

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Love or Control? Which Would You Choose?

Can a parent move from the overwhelming desire to direct and control when a son is clearly headed down the slippery slope? This is probably one of the greatest challenges of parenting.

I thought I would share this poignant story of Lily and her son James (not their real names).

A wonderful young man in his twenties, James has had the hardest time fitting into the system. This young man is sensitive, loving and kind and very creative -- not exactly the qualities society expects of a young man. Hence his trouble. At some stage, like others with similar difficulties, James started to flirt with drugs.

Lily moved through all the stages that any caring mother would. From the initial disbelief, to finally recognizing, and then supporting James in addressing the issue. She discussed, she persuaded, she cajoled, she explained, she reasoned, she bargained and eventually spelt out the riot act. Lily needed to do something, to fix it, to feel that in some way she could influence the boy's decisions. She needed him to be in control of his life so she could be on top of hers.

Despite his genuine resolve to set matters right, James was by now so deep into the mess that he required professional help. Lily offered to get him that too. But James would have none of it.

Lily had run out of options, alternatives, strategies for action. Nothing seemed to help. What now? 

At this critical juncture, Lily took a brave decision that few parents know how. She was not going to resign in anger and bitterness. She was not going to project her own insecurities and fears on James anymore. She would stop dwelling on the worst case scenarios.

Instead, Lily was going surrender to the process, and surrender with love. She recalled in her mind what a wonderful child James had been, the joys they had shared. She reminded herself that James had his own spiritual journey to follow that was not up to her to control. Her job was to love him and trust in his ability to find its way out of the maze. Her job was to be there when he needed her counsel and to respect his being.

This was a 180 degree turn around in mind set and attitude for Lily, not something that happens automatically, but with deep conviction and dedication. Lily was not about to take short cuts. Her son's future was at stake.

She used all the tools in her spiritual and energy healing toolbox to stay on track. Most of all she maintained her boundaries and made sure James had enough space to make his choices without her interference.

"Change the way you look at the world, and the world around you changes."  These are Dr. Wayne Dyer's wise words. It took about two weeks for the real change to take place in this case. Mother and son had barely been in touch during this period, both acutely aware of the need to respect the other’s boundary.

On that bitterly cold and rainy night Lily found herself becoming anxious about James's whereabouts. Not allowing her anxiety to overcome her, she sent him a short loving text message. It was as if she had just opened the door James had been waiting for. He reached out to her for help like never before. He was sick of being sick and tired. He was done with this kind of life. He wanted to change. In the space Lily had created for him, James had finally come to realize the depth of his despair, and also the fact that no one could help him unless he wanted to be helped. He was ready now.

A very relieved Lily was glad to provide the support she had for so long wished to give James. And now that there were no controlling shackles to push against, a very determined young man realized his rare good fortune that his mother was lovingly standing by to support him. 

He is well on his way to recovery. Doing could not accomplish it, loving did.

 Mentorship Program in Spiritual Intelligence at

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Rena's Story: Son Turns Over a New Leaf

Twenty seven years of her son Aaron's life were not particualrly pleasant for Rena . Within a year of his birth, Rena lost her husband. Her mother and brothers supported her in raising Aaron. While Rena was getting her life back together, Aaron lived and grew up with his cousins almost as siblings. He went to school and camps and took vacations with them.

Problems began to surface as Aaron was becoming a young adult. Although he did well in academics and was accepted in a management school, emotionally he appeared wounded. He blamed his mother for abandoning him, found faults with her familiy's attitude toward him. He felt discriminated against. At some point started to flirt with drugs.

Needless to say, Rena tried everything within her power to get this young man to see reason. But Aaorn would have none of it. 'Get off my back' was his attitude. Their rare phone conversations grew shorter. Aaron was brusque. Over time mother and son hardly communicated.

When I met Rena, she was nurturing a broken heart and was worried sick about her son's future. She felt she had no control. Realizing that direct intervention in the matter was useless, Rena started to take interest in energy work.

Initially the energy therapies Rena pursued were primarily to find some peace of mind for herself. She learned techniques, went to personal healing sessions and retreats. Although her own pain was getting better she continued to worry about Aaron. She arranged for healing practitioners to send distant healing to help Aaron.

Then something unique happened. In a session with Rena, I asked her to describe her son as she thought of him. She created this picture of a helpless, lonesome boy who had become angry, rebellious, disrespectful and irresponsible. It was a damning portrait -- for both mother and son. She felt tremendous guilt as a mother that she just could not shake off.

Over then next few days, Rena worked on releasing her guilt. Then we took time to assist Rena in creating a different image of Aaron in her mind. She pulled up memories of Aaron as a loving child excited about life. We built on that to create a vision of a strong, positive young man who was eager to take responsibility for his life. The greatest challenge Rena needed to overcome was her own doubts that this could ever be possible. But her love and strong desire for her son were on her side. She relentlessly worked at removing her own blocks. She learned to turn around the energy of negative thoughts that arose in her mind concerning Aaron, while her energy worker friends continued to support both mother and son.

The result was quick and astounding. In about two weeks, Rena called me to say 'this is a miracle.' Aaron, who had not spoken to Rena for months, had called for a short but decent conversation the previous week. That morning he had visited his mother in her home and spent time with her. He had assured her that he was ready for his new job responsibilies. He expressed his gratitude for all the support Rena's family had extended to him. He had looked relaxed and happy. In Rena's mind, it was indeed a miracle.

I had to smile as I heard Rena's story. Once again she validated that what brings us misery is our way of looking at things, our fears and our inability to trust. These are deep seated patterns. If we can find the tools to change those and shift our vibrations, the outer reality powerfully changes. The world reflects back to us that which we create in our energy field.

This is Spiritual Intelligence.

Enjoy your life, your thoughts and your vibes.


You can find more about Spiritual Intelligence at this link.

Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Friday, September 10, 2010

Jyoti's Dilemma on Receiving Gifts

Jyoti's Dilemma on Receiving Gifts
Jyoti wrote: 'Sometimes I get gifts for which I have no use although the gifts in themselves may be beautiful and interesting. But now I want very few selective things around me. But I don't have the courage to tell people directly about this. Of course, I drop hints. But that doesn't seem to be working. So what I do is give them away to someone else when an occasion comes like birthdays etc. Is this wrong ? Am I passing the goodwill and love of people unknowingly? I definitely do not want to accumulate things that I will never use. What is your advice?'

Focus on the love, the concern, the connection the gift represents, and not on the thing per se. Receive with gratitude. Cherish the thought behind the gift and don't look merely for its utility value. Then feel free to keep it or give it away with love to someone who may have better use for it.

You may have to work through some of the old patterns of the mind. These may be your feelings of guilt, feeling of being disloyal to the person who gave it to you, or fear of 'what if they found out it was recycled' -- which is a shame, feeling the need to reciprocate and so on. Watch as these sentiments come up. These are where your real resistance comes from. Let them go one by one.

You do not owe it to anyone to keep what they give you, or having to pay back. Choose to see it coming from unconditional love and refuse to surround it with conditionalities. It is yours to do what you please. Give yourself freedom.

The other thing is don't hint. Either say it lovingly and trust they understand, or don't say anything at all if you think they may be hurt.

Remember, giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. Know that if we cannot receive with grace and unconditionality, we probably are unable to give unconditionally too. A friend of mine suggests that we stop being 'stingy' receivers.

For guidance on everyday spiritual living join Malabika's Mentorship Program.
Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Stepping out of the Web

When we feel we are stuck in a situation and have no power to change it, remember that there is a reason why we feel that way. Even though one part of our psyche is ready to move on, change things and do something different, another part is still not quite ready. This part feels insecure with change and uncertainty, diffident and fearful. That is why we choose to stay. A known evil, as they say, may be better than an unknown one. Can you hear the voice of fear there?

The day the pain of staying in that situation becomes greater than the fear of moving on, we move. We will muster enough will power, confidence, get-up-and-go, what have you to make that change. It all comes to the surface.

When we wish to step out of a web proactively, some steps become necessary. The first is the acknowledgement that the situation is my own creation, and there is an underlying pay off that keeps me here. Once I am able to acknowledge that, I can also come to a place of gratitude. Our last month's meditation (see below) was about acknowledgement.

The next step is to determine and commit oneself to making the change. We don't have to know how or when. We just have to be clear in our minds and deep in our hearts the time has come to change. It is the strength of this desire that will release the power to make the change happen.

The second part of the meditation takes you through these steps. Click here to download.

Stepping out of the Web: Meditation Part 2 (12 min)


Creating the ability to see Wholeness

Monday, June 7, 2010

Caught in the Web

As we experience the external reality shift at the rapid rate it is changing now, we will naturally feel frustrated if we are unable to garner the power to stay in step with the changes.

Many people feel as if they are caught in the web -- caught in an opressive job, a bad relationship, a declining health situation, so on and so forth. The perception inevitably is that the power to change all this lies some place outside of me. While this may be true, the only way to make the change is to slowly take that power back -- not necessarily through fight or force, but through

This meditation is designed to take the first steps in order to release oneself from that web.

You may download the Windows media version or the MP3 by clicking here.

Stepping out of the Web.

Enjoy. 12 min.

Creating the ability to see Wholeness